Thursday, January 6, 2011

Fiction Friday

So today is friday, which mean i will be posting some sort of fiction i have writen for you all to read/crittique, what ever with, please be honnest about what you think of this but do not be mean , xx


One Night, A Life Time of Difference

Chapter 1


I was on my way to end of school party, our year had all chipped in and hired out the hall at Star City Casino in Sydney, it was going to be a really great.
I looked at my self once more white mini shorts with a black singlet, black hair tanned skin blue eyes standing at 5’7 trim build, I am every teenage boy’s poster dream come to life, and I know it.
We arrived at the hall; the party was in full spin, girls dancing with their dates. Boy’s checking each female out seeing witch one they would be getting underneath them tonight.
I walked straight to the bar and order my self two vodka shots and a vodka sunrise, already being tipsy from pre-drinks in the hotel room. These drinks would send me right where I needed to be.
I slammed down the shorts then stalked over to a group of girls I hung out with in school, once we court up we where on the dance floor.
Songs came and went with out any realisation of what they actually were.
The music stopped and people walked on to the stage.
“Speeches great.” I scoffed and made my way to the bar.
The teachers started rambling on about how great it had been having such gifted and talented students at their high school.
People were cheering. I got my drink and I made my way to a table at the end of the dance floor and sat down resting my feet on the table, to drunk to really care or notice if any one was watching me or not.
I starred carelessly to the stage.
“So as you all know this year you all voted to take on one tradition from another country.” One teacher said.
Suddenly all the girls cheer.
“You all chose to elect prom king and queens.” The other teacher said.
Predicting the winners as a popular girl and one of the surf rats, I looked around the room most eyes where glued on the stage.
Except Mark Williams, The guy who has had it in for me ever since I moved to this area, in the seventh grade he tipped paint all in to my school bag and all over my cloths. In the eighth grade he put pictures of me passed out drunk and half naked all over the school. Then in the 9th grade he lit my hair on fire, witch didn’t mesh with me.
I payed him back my own sweet way. I spread rumours around the school that he was gay, slept with his sister and had a crush on the principal. We had one thing in common, we hated every one, but every one seamed to love us.
After a few minutes that seamed more like hours of teachers rambling on it was finally time to announce the winners of this stupid popularity contest.
“And prom king that you all voted for is,” The male teacher cheered in a chirpy voice slowly opening an envelope. “Mark Williams.”
Wow that actually surprised me.
I guess all the girls had a crush on him because of his bad boy image.
The crowd cheered as he went up and accepted his crown.
He was blushing, he thanked the crowd and moved back behind the teachers.
“And now for the prom queen,” The female teacher smiled.
‘Oh prom, so Australian, I’ll drink to that’ I thought taking a mouthful of my sunrise.
“Lucky Sanders.” The teacher chirped.
I spat my drink all over the person in front of me and looked to the stage to make sure I heard that right.
“Lucky, come on up.” The teacher said as the spotlight went on me.
I made my way to the stage and almost fell over from being drunk.
They placed the crown on my head and handed me a wand and confetti fell from the sky, this sucked.
Every one calmed down and waited for me to talk.
“Lucky, would you like to say a few words?” The male teacher offered.
Never one to let a waiting crowd down I happily accepted.
“I have some things to say, if I may class” I stepped up to the microphone tripping and slurring my words.
“First of all I would like to say how great it is that we’re keeping up the AMERICAN tradition of prom, I mean really how pathetic can we get, what’s wrong with just a party? I supposed this does officially prove that I am better then all of you” I laughed people laughed with me. “oh my god I’m so fucking horny.” I laughed holding on to the podium.”
“My last point is also to America now that we have burthed one of your traditions over here I think you should follow us and lower your fucking drinking age.” I laughed raising my glass every one seamed to cheer, keeping in mind, I am drunk.
I slowly pulled my self away from the podium.
Mark and I were made to take photo’s with each other, teachers and random students, after we were finished with our photo’s some one suggested a class shot witch every body agreed to making it hard for me to get the hell out of there.
When I finally got out of there I made my way down to the main bar of star city casino and got a booth. I ordered a shot and a sunrise.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a dark figure sit down.
When I looked it was my king – mark.
“What?” I snarled.
“I noticed you escaped so I thought it was cool if I did as well.” He said leaning back in his seat.
“And you like tripped on this bar?” I accused.
“No,” He laughed. “Not my fault that my queen had the same idea as me.”
“Oh god, smooth.” I snickered.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?” He laughed.
“No.” I said firmly.
“I can see you passing out any minute now.” He laughed.
“What ever I could drink you under the table.” I snarled.
He was quiet, I don’t know if he agreed or if he was considering taking me on.
“Well, your shout then, king.” I taunted. “Give me your meanest.” I laughed, knowing that almost every alcoholic beverage I had tried.
Before I know it he was back.
He had a tray with to Jack Daniels and two shot glasses with black liquid and a box of matches.
“What’s that?” I scoffed.
“My meanest.” He taunted.
He picked up the match and struck it alight.
“What are you a fucking pyromaniac or something?” I growled remembering so clearly the day I got my hair lit alight by this vary boy.
He laughed as he put the flame slowly in to one of the glasses the alcohol lit.
I had heard about this drink, Absinth, one of the only alcoholic beverages I hadn’t tried.
“So Lucky, let me guess, you’ve had this?” He laughed.
“Wow you should be proud, you found the only alcohol I haven’t tried.” I taunted.
“What are you a fucking alcoholic or something.” He laughed pushing the shot glass towards me.
I blew on the flame, stumped, not knowing how to drink a drink that was on fire, I watched him as he blew the flame out and threw it down. You could almost see the alcohol burn his throat from the out side.
Absinth is one of the most alcoholic shots. It messes with people.
Not wanting to be out done I put one hand on the bottle of Jack Daniels and the other worked the shot, as it hit the back of my throat it felt like I was on fire.
“Oh my fucking god.” I cursed, not expecting it to be to much worse the vodka, it was like three vodka shots after each other.
“Chaser.” He reminded me.
I put the bottle to my mouth and drank three quarters of the bottle then slammed it down.
“That was fun!” I exclaimed.
“It didn’t look like you where having fun.” He laughed.
“Dude that’s hit my head already.” I said pretending to sway I put my eyes at the back of the sockets and started gargling.
“Lucky, Lucky... Are you ok?” I felt him stand up and walk over to me.
I opened eyes quickly and jumped towards him laughing.
“Oh my god, that was just not funny.” He said relived.
“Ha-ha you really think I’m that much of a light weight?” I laughed finishing my Jack Daniels.
He looked at the empty bottle of whisky next in front of me then squeezed in to the booth pushing me against the wall.
He motioned for the waiter and then held up the empty bottle and motioned for two more.
With that he turns to me and looked in my eyes. He ran his hand up my thigh stoping at the hem of my shorts. He leans in and kisses me hard.
For a second I hesitated and pulled back my head no exit against the wall. His kiss was full of lust and it turned me on more.
I lent closer kissing him back he lent back from me so a placed my legs around his was and sat on his lap.
He ran his hands over my body starting at the back of my thighs, working his way to the front of short slipping his fingers underneath the hem then felt around to the back grabbing my ass from in side my shorts, I let out a soft moan. His hands came out and felt up my waste on to my boobs squeezing them then moving back to my ass.
I wrapped my legs around him tighter placing my self so I could feel his lust through his pants.
He pushed the hair that was in my face over my back and started kissing my neck.
I moaned as he kissed tender spots getting wetter and wetter.
“Do you want to take this some where less public.” He offered.
“My motel is 20 mins away.” I breathed kissing him furiously.
“I have a room here.” He told.
“Ok.” I said reluctantly getting to my feet and sculling my drink.

2 comments:

bec star said...

This is horrible. Its cliche, it's poorly written and its unoriginal. 0/5.

bec star said...

Absinthe is also Green, not Black. Do your research.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Fiction Friday

So today is friday, which mean i will be posting some sort of fiction i have writen for you all to read/crittique, what ever with, please be honnest about what you think of this but do not be mean , xx


One Night, A Life Time of Difference

Chapter 1


I was on my way to end of school party, our year had all chipped in and hired out the hall at Star City Casino in Sydney, it was going to be a really great.
I looked at my self once more white mini shorts with a black singlet, black hair tanned skin blue eyes standing at 5’7 trim build, I am every teenage boy’s poster dream come to life, and I know it.
We arrived at the hall; the party was in full spin, girls dancing with their dates. Boy’s checking each female out seeing witch one they would be getting underneath them tonight.
I walked straight to the bar and order my self two vodka shots and a vodka sunrise, already being tipsy from pre-drinks in the hotel room. These drinks would send me right where I needed to be.
I slammed down the shorts then stalked over to a group of girls I hung out with in school, once we court up we where on the dance floor.
Songs came and went with out any realisation of what they actually were.
The music stopped and people walked on to the stage.
“Speeches great.” I scoffed and made my way to the bar.
The teachers started rambling on about how great it had been having such gifted and talented students at their high school.
People were cheering. I got my drink and I made my way to a table at the end of the dance floor and sat down resting my feet on the table, to drunk to really care or notice if any one was watching me or not.
I starred carelessly to the stage.
“So as you all know this year you all voted to take on one tradition from another country.” One teacher said.
Suddenly all the girls cheer.
“You all chose to elect prom king and queens.” The other teacher said.
Predicting the winners as a popular girl and one of the surf rats, I looked around the room most eyes where glued on the stage.
Except Mark Williams, The guy who has had it in for me ever since I moved to this area, in the seventh grade he tipped paint all in to my school bag and all over my cloths. In the eighth grade he put pictures of me passed out drunk and half naked all over the school. Then in the 9th grade he lit my hair on fire, witch didn’t mesh with me.
I payed him back my own sweet way. I spread rumours around the school that he was gay, slept with his sister and had a crush on the principal. We had one thing in common, we hated every one, but every one seamed to love us.
After a few minutes that seamed more like hours of teachers rambling on it was finally time to announce the winners of this stupid popularity contest.
“And prom king that you all voted for is,” The male teacher cheered in a chirpy voice slowly opening an envelope. “Mark Williams.”
Wow that actually surprised me.
I guess all the girls had a crush on him because of his bad boy image.
The crowd cheered as he went up and accepted his crown.
He was blushing, he thanked the crowd and moved back behind the teachers.
“And now for the prom queen,” The female teacher smiled.
‘Oh prom, so Australian, I’ll drink to that’ I thought taking a mouthful of my sunrise.
“Lucky Sanders.” The teacher chirped.
I spat my drink all over the person in front of me and looked to the stage to make sure I heard that right.
“Lucky, come on up.” The teacher said as the spotlight went on me.
I made my way to the stage and almost fell over from being drunk.
They placed the crown on my head and handed me a wand and confetti fell from the sky, this sucked.
Every one calmed down and waited for me to talk.
“Lucky, would you like to say a few words?” The male teacher offered.
Never one to let a waiting crowd down I happily accepted.
“I have some things to say, if I may class” I stepped up to the microphone tripping and slurring my words.
“First of all I would like to say how great it is that we’re keeping up the AMERICAN tradition of prom, I mean really how pathetic can we get, what’s wrong with just a party? I supposed this does officially prove that I am better then all of you” I laughed people laughed with me. “oh my god I’m so fucking horny.” I laughed holding on to the podium.”
“My last point is also to America now that we have burthed one of your traditions over here I think you should follow us and lower your fucking drinking age.” I laughed raising my glass every one seamed to cheer, keeping in mind, I am drunk.
I slowly pulled my self away from the podium.
Mark and I were made to take photo’s with each other, teachers and random students, after we were finished with our photo’s some one suggested a class shot witch every body agreed to making it hard for me to get the hell out of there.
When I finally got out of there I made my way down to the main bar of star city casino and got a booth. I ordered a shot and a sunrise.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a dark figure sit down.
When I looked it was my king – mark.
“What?” I snarled.
“I noticed you escaped so I thought it was cool if I did as well.” He said leaning back in his seat.
“And you like tripped on this bar?” I accused.
“No,” He laughed. “Not my fault that my queen had the same idea as me.”
“Oh god, smooth.” I snickered.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?” He laughed.
“No.” I said firmly.
“I can see you passing out any minute now.” He laughed.
“What ever I could drink you under the table.” I snarled.
He was quiet, I don’t know if he agreed or if he was considering taking me on.
“Well, your shout then, king.” I taunted. “Give me your meanest.” I laughed, knowing that almost every alcoholic beverage I had tried.
Before I know it he was back.
He had a tray with to Jack Daniels and two shot glasses with black liquid and a box of matches.
“What’s that?” I scoffed.
“My meanest.” He taunted.
He picked up the match and struck it alight.
“What are you a fucking pyromaniac or something?” I growled remembering so clearly the day I got my hair lit alight by this vary boy.
He laughed as he put the flame slowly in to one of the glasses the alcohol lit.
I had heard about this drink, Absinth, one of the only alcoholic beverages I hadn’t tried.
“So Lucky, let me guess, you’ve had this?” He laughed.
“Wow you should be proud, you found the only alcohol I haven’t tried.” I taunted.
“What are you a fucking alcoholic or something.” He laughed pushing the shot glass towards me.
I blew on the flame, stumped, not knowing how to drink a drink that was on fire, I watched him as he blew the flame out and threw it down. You could almost see the alcohol burn his throat from the out side.
Absinth is one of the most alcoholic shots. It messes with people.
Not wanting to be out done I put one hand on the bottle of Jack Daniels and the other worked the shot, as it hit the back of my throat it felt like I was on fire.
“Oh my fucking god.” I cursed, not expecting it to be to much worse the vodka, it was like three vodka shots after each other.
“Chaser.” He reminded me.
I put the bottle to my mouth and drank three quarters of the bottle then slammed it down.
“That was fun!” I exclaimed.
“It didn’t look like you where having fun.” He laughed.
“Dude that’s hit my head already.” I said pretending to sway I put my eyes at the back of the sockets and started gargling.
“Lucky, Lucky... Are you ok?” I felt him stand up and walk over to me.
I opened eyes quickly and jumped towards him laughing.
“Oh my god, that was just not funny.” He said relived.
“Ha-ha you really think I’m that much of a light weight?” I laughed finishing my Jack Daniels.
He looked at the empty bottle of whisky next in front of me then squeezed in to the booth pushing me against the wall.
He motioned for the waiter and then held up the empty bottle and motioned for two more.
With that he turns to me and looked in my eyes. He ran his hand up my thigh stoping at the hem of my shorts. He leans in and kisses me hard.
For a second I hesitated and pulled back my head no exit against the wall. His kiss was full of lust and it turned me on more.
I lent closer kissing him back he lent back from me so a placed my legs around his was and sat on his lap.
He ran his hands over my body starting at the back of my thighs, working his way to the front of short slipping his fingers underneath the hem then felt around to the back grabbing my ass from in side my shorts, I let out a soft moan. His hands came out and felt up my waste on to my boobs squeezing them then moving back to my ass.
I wrapped my legs around him tighter placing my self so I could feel his lust through his pants.
He pushed the hair that was in my face over my back and started kissing my neck.
I moaned as he kissed tender spots getting wetter and wetter.
“Do you want to take this some where less public.” He offered.
“My motel is 20 mins away.” I breathed kissing him furiously.
“I have a room here.” He told.
“Ok.” I said reluctantly getting to my feet and sculling my drink.

2 comments:

bec star said...

This is horrible. Its cliche, it's poorly written and its unoriginal. 0/5.

bec star said...

Absinthe is also Green, not Black. Do your research.